a sensual history traslate please

well, hello everybody, I introduce myself first, my name is alejandra I learned English a long time ago, and since then I don't have been practice so much, so I think I have a basic knowledge of English, only the basic that I need for my work, if I listen a English song, I understand clearly what it says, or even I can talk with some else too,.
any ways the true is that I am a fanatic of the Dr. house's program television, I think I'm in love with him. and one day looking for "fan fiction story " on a internet about this character, (dr. house) I found this.

Is a complicated text, it has a lot of figurative sense phrases, how can I explain mmm you need to read it to understand me, could someone please help me to translate this into Spanish, I need some one whit more knowledge in English than me. specially in the sensual aspect between two persons, you know what I mean.

I think you'll like it too.:p

this is my e-mail a_pub2@hotmail.com

this is the page of a excellent writer in this shows the text http://www.moonsmusings.com/house/oahsn01.html