a desperate plea for help from non spanish speaker

Hi all,
I would really appreciate some input from you Spanish speakers because unfortunately I speak none. I have text in English that was translated by a guy who claims to be a professional translator. However after completing the job I had several people independently check and the responses I received were truly disturbing. This has been dragging back and forth between the translator and the other folks pointing out serious mistakes for nearly three weeks now. At this point I'm running out of excuse for this guy because there seems to be too much evidence against him. Still I want to make all the effort to be absolutely sure and therefore seeking your help. I'm posting few most obvious sentences (English original and the way this guy translated them into Spanish) that my sources claim that they are rubbish ( I do have versions they suggested but I do not want anyone to pick their suggestion over his simply because I still want to give him a chance, so I won't post just now), he claims is a matter of opinion. Please all of you please tell me honestly is this an accurate translation and by that I mean not word by word but so it makes the most sense:

Please forgive me. I promise, from now on, I’ll be better
Te prometo que de ahora en más mejoraré.

She stopped in front of the house and pulled out her keys.
Se detuvo ante el frente de su casa y sacó las llaves.


Many many thanks to all of you who took their time to read and to respond. And yes I freely admit that English is not my native language so forgive if you find some mistakes or instances that could have been worded better.
Thank you very much A.

Hello dear Alena,
this guy might know some Spanish, but is definitely NOT in perfect command of the language and far from being a professional translator!
If you need any additional help, just let me know.
Best regards and good luck!
Tess

I would like to thank anyone who took look so far, but specifically my sincere thanks to Tess who took the time to respond. I have also been PM'd and a suggestion was made that perhaps I'm being unfair to judge my translator based on 2 sentences. So I have decided to add some more and I would welcome if you guys put in your 3 cents worth. But to be completely fair I also feel that I should mention that the guy was offered USD 200.00 for roughly 34 000 characters inclusive empty spaces, which I feel is a very generous offer given the fact the money equals 2 weeks of average pay in the capital city of the country he is currently residing. So please let me know what you think of his translation. I would welcome some specifics if I may, please keep in mind this is a translation of a book that will hopefully be published in spanish one day and so the important think here is accuracy and that the text makes sense. Lastly I would like to know from you if you think it's a fair compensation for the work I received back? Please no PM's. I will post a new add once we start looking for the translator of the whole book. Thank you all, A


Hola” soltó Jarek con una sonrisa ganadora en sus labios. “Justo pensé en acompañarte a tu hogar.
“Hi,” Jarek boomed with a victorious smile on his lips. “I just thought I’d walk you home.”

Le miró sin responder. She looked at him without answering .



Ella nunca aprendería a amarle, en vez de eso lo trataba con enemistad como no lo hacía con nadie. She would never learn to love him; instead she held him in enmity like no other.


“Lo has borrado” la acusó, luego de haber revisado todo el historial de llamadas, no habiendo encontrando ninguna evidencia.
“You deleted him,” he accused her after sifting through her call history only to find zero evidence.

“Hemos terminado, Jarek” lo miró con una calma helada. “We’re through Jarek,” she looked at him with a chilling calm.


“Tú no quieres decir eso” dijo mirándola ansiosamente, desarmado por su compostura. Ella silenciosamente asintió con la cabezay le clavó su mirada. “You don’t mean that,” he looked at her anxiously, thrown off by her composure. She silently nodded and gave him a stare.


“Pero…pero si yo te amo, Agata. Nadie más te ama. Ellos sencillamente te quieren usar, ir a la cama contigo. En cambio yo te amo.” “But…but I love you, Agata. Nobody else loves you. They all just want to use you, to sleep with you, but I love you.”
Ella soltó una gélida risa ante su desesperado intento de convencerla de que él era ese único, el elegido, que él era lo mejor para ella porque la amaba. She gave out an ice-cold laugh at his desperate attempt to convince her that he was the one and only, that he was the best for her, because he loved her.

Te prometo que de ahora en más mejoraré. I promise, from now on, I’ll be better.
Fuimos hechos el uno para el otro, tenemos que casarnos. Esto te ayudará, y tendremos unos hijos hermosos. We were meant to be together; we should get married, it’ll help you, and we’ll have beautiful children.”
dejó de hablar cuando notó que ella estaba riéndosele histéricamente en su cara. He stopped talking when he noticed she was laughing hysterically in his face..

Cuando recién empezaban a “salir”, When they first started “dating,”

Se detuvo ante el frente de su casa y sacó las llaves. She stopped in front of the house and pulled out her keys

I would like to thank anyone who took look so far, but specifically y sincere Tess who took the time to respond. I have also been PM'd and a suggestion was made that perhaps I'm being unfair to judge my translator based on 2 sentences. So I have decided to add some more and I would welcome if you guys put in your 3 cents worth. But to be completely fair I also feel that I should mention that the guy was offered USD 200.00 for roughly 34 000 characters inclusive empty spaces, which I feel is a very generous offer given the fact the money equals 2 weeks of average pay in the capital city of the country he is currently residing. So please let me know what you think of his translation. I would welcome some specifics if I may, please keep in mind this is a translation of a book that will hopefully be published in spanish one day and so the important think here is accuracy and that the text makes sense. Lastly I would like to know from you if you think it's a fair compensation for the work I received back? Please no PM's. I will post a new add once we start looking for the translator of the whole book. Thank you all, A


Hola” soltó Jarek con una sonrisa ganadora en sus labios. “Justo pensé en acompañarte a tu hogar.
“Hi,” Jarek boomed with a victorious smile on his lips. “I just thought I’d walk you home.”

Le miró sin responder. She looked at him without answering .

Ella nunca aprendería a amarle, en vez de eso lo trataba con enemistad como no lo hacía con nadie. She would never learn to love him; instead she held him in enmity like no other.

“Lo has borrado” la acusó, luego de haber revisado todo el historial de llamadas, no habiendo encontrando ninguna evidencia.
“You deleted him,” he accused her after sifting through her call history only to find zero evidence.

“Hemos terminado, Jarek” lo miró con una calma helada. “We’re through Jarek,” she looked at him with a chilling calm.

“Tú no quieres decir eso” dijo mirándola ansiosamente, desarmado por su compostura. Ella silenciosamente asintió con la cabezay le clavó su mirada. “You don’t mean that,” he looked at her anxiously, thrown off by her composure. She silently nodded and gave him a stare.

“Pero…pero si yo te amo, Agata. Nadie más te ama. Ellos sencillamente te quieren usar, ir a la cama contigo. En cambio yo te amo.” “But…but I love you, Agata. Nobody else loves you. They all just want to use you, to sleep with you, but I love you.”
Ella soltó una gélida risa ante su desesperado intento de convencerla de que él era ese único, el elegido, que él era lo mejor para ella porque la amaba. She gave out an ice-cold laugh at his desperate attempt to convince her that he was the one and only, that he was the best for her, because he loved her.

Te prometo que de ahora en más mejoraré. I promise, from now on, I’ll be better.
Fuimos hechos el uno para el otro, tenemos que casarnos. Esto te ayudará, y tendremos unos hijos hermosos. We were meant to be together; we should get married, it’ll help you, and we’ll have beautiful children.”
dejó de hablar cuando notó que ella estaba riéndosele histéricamente en su cara. He stopped talking when he noticed she was laughing hysterically in his face..

Cuando recién empezaban a “salir”, When they first started “dating,”

Se detuvo ante el frente de su casa y sacó las llaves. She stopped in front of the house and pulled out her keys

Hi Alena,
well, what can I say, it's not too bad but must be thoroughly proofread and "fine tuned" if you know what I mean.
Furthermore, it's South American Spanish and in my humble opinion a book should be translated into classical Spanish, unless it is exclusievly published for the Latin American market. Nonetheless, each Latin American country has their own language variations, so classical Spanish would be best.
As to compensation: what is the word count? If it's some 5000 words it's ok, BUT...a better quality must be delivered at this rate!
Sentences that I would definitely re-write as follows:
"Hola” soltó Jarek con una sonrisa victoriosa en sus labios. “Se me ocurrió acompañarte a casa.
Ella nunca aprendería a amarle; en cambio lo trataba con hostilidad como no lo hacía con nadie.
“Lo has borrado” la acusó tras haber revisado todo su historial de llamadas sin encontrar evidencia alguna.
“Hemos terminado, Jarek” dijo mirándole con un sosiego escalofriante.
Ellos sencillamente te quieren utilizar, acostarse contigo.
Te prometo que de ahora en adelante mejoraré.
Estamos hechos el uno para el otro, deberíamos casarnos.
Dejó de hablar al ver que ella estaba riéndosele histéricamente en su cara.
Cuando empezaron a salir juntos
Se detuvo frente a (o delante de) la casa y sacó sus llaves.

I hope this helps...
Again, dear Alena, good luck with that guy and the whole outcome of the problem...
Best wishes
Tess

Hi Tess
Once more many thanks for your help.
If you like please email me your resume.

Best regards,
A