English is a crazy language

I think a retired English teacher was bored. Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning.. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used . It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may windUP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,so........it is time to shut UP!

Woa, Amazing (without any Maze xD)!
Very funny and interesting, I think that english has too many verbs arising from substantives and is poorer than spanish about conjugations.
Also in english you use UP, DOWN, IN and OUT with another word to alter its meaning, it can be a confused issue for not english native speakers.

Agreed! Very well researched and beautifully described. The best way to improve your comprehension of English and to learn how to express yourself is to listen to American television and radio shows. Speak slowly with pauses and try to pronounce all the sounds in words.

I can't tell you how much of a kick I got from your post! The English language is pretty crazy! It can be confusing but I do agree that it is creative. There are so many different meanings for one word, it's a wonder how anyone can actually communicate! It's fun to the see the break down side by side though. You never notice just how unique and even contradicting the language can be until you compare them side by side.

Hi vicente,

Thanks for sharing this! It's most definitely well put together and I think it's useful for someone who has a really good grasp of the English language:cool:.

These examples in particular are great as it points out the difference on the importance on the pronunciation on words that are spelt the same way.

Hello Brapoza!!

I'm glad you enjoyed the post.:D

English would be much easier to read if we used accent marks as they do in Spanish but it still remains to be an odd conglamoration of rules and exceptions. I've always thought it would be very difficult to become fluent in English and I very much admire the translators I have "met" here on the board who have mastered it. However, I don't really think a non-resident, non-native speaker ever completely masters any language because of the inherent subleties and idiosycracies that one can only undertand by living and breathing a language from within the country itself.

Hi crobertson!

Glad you found the post interesting. As I mentioned to brapoza, if we were to use accents on words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently English would be a lot easier to understand when reading.

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Originally Posted by bethworthy

Agreed! Very well researched and beautifully described. The best way to improve your comprehension of English and to learn how to express yourself is to listen to American television and radio shows. Speak slowly with pauses and try to pronounce all the sounds in words.

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Good advice in any language bethworthy!!:D

Yes Vicente thank you for sharing with us!! :D

Hi Vincent,

You're welcome!

I definitely agree with you with regards to using accents. It would be alot easier to read and learn for instance Spanish words with accents. There are various words that are spelt the same way and ofcourse even though the meaning is completely different, the pronunciation is different by the accent over the vowel.

This article is also quite handy for students who are fluent in English.

yeah crobertson, the pronunciation of words that are spelt the same or similar way is a big issue for non-english native speakers

How much trees you try?
I try three trees! xD

Salvadorm, I hadn't realized it until reading your response, but that is so true.

Exactly salvadorm, it's definitely more challenging and not to mention when you have to choose the correct pronunciation for either American or British English.

Hi vincente,

I re-read it, and found myself laughing again in amazement of how crazy the English language really is. I agree with your statement of never being able to speak a language as someone who is native to their country and or origin. The natural flow and expressions somehow get lost. I speak English. In Hawaii we speak what is called broken English which unique and understood only by Hawaii natives so I totally know where you're coming from.

Hi brapoza,

That's why I NEVER argue with a native speaker. To me it is foolish to tell a native that they are wrong in their own language. For instance, I might not use proper grammar or syntax when I'm talking to a friend but if that is the way we talk, then who is to say we are wrong? It's our language, we've spoken all our lives and we can speak it as we wish. I've had non-native speakers tell me that I was wrong about the use of certain words because they didn't fit their definition, or were not being used properly. Says who? I wouldn't dare to correct a native Spanish speaker speaking their own language. If native Hawaiian "broken English" is the way your people speak, it is their language and that's that and I daresay that a person like me could live among them for decades and never learn to speak it like a native. There is always something that you haven't yet learned.

Hi vicente,

Exactly! I could not have said that better myself. I feel the same way. I would be nice if there were more individuals like you. Unfortunately, many do not share our views. Back in Hawaii we are constantly being "reminded" by non-native speakers as to the wrongness of the language. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that they can't understand it but that is no reason to try and change what has been for as you say decades. When need be we can speak properly but when among each other we choose to speak what's native to us, no matter who thinks its wrong. Luckily we are easy going people who doesn't let the haters bother us much. If we weren't then it would be something entirely different. :o

Good for you and your people brapoza! I don't think you are alone. Many of us who are educated and speak correct English in our public and professional lives revert to speaking as we did when we were growing up when amongst family and friends. It's who we really are. The public image and manner of speaking is just a disguise, a face, we put on when we leave home, isn't it?:D

This is great. There was one that I didn´t know.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I understand the second intimate but what does the first intimate mean?? It appears to be used as a verb here. Does anybody care to shed some light on this for me?

Hi amayo!

To intimate is to suggest in a subtle or circumspect manner, i.e., not to state something bluntly.

It's sort of like "to hint".

EX: She intimated her interest in him by the way she looked at him.

EX: Although he didn't say it plainly, he intimated that he would agree to the deal by saying "it could happen."

Me explico?

in·ti·mate
2 [in-tuh-meyt]

verb (used with object), in·ti·mat·ed, in·ti·mat·ing.
1.
to indicate or make known indirectly; hint; imply; suggest.

My mother has always told me when I was growing up and learning to read Spanish that it was very easy and not as complex as English. Which is so true!! In English you have the same words, written in the same way, but pronounced differently and it changes the meaning of the word. You have words that have Ps in them but it's silent. It is funny how when growing up you don't understand and you think your parents are crazy and don't know what they are talking about, but now it all makes sense!!!! :cool:

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Originally Posted by amayo

This is great. There was one that I didn´t know.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I understand the second intimate but what does the first intimate mean?? It appears to be used as a verb here. Does anybody care to shed some light on this for me?

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Thanks Vicente! You learn something new everyday!

Great explanation Vicente!

That's a new one for me as well amayo!

It can sound weird, but we really can tell that spanish is a more perfect language than english.

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Originally Posted by kvillanueva

My mother has always told me when I was growing up and learning to read Spanish that it was very easy and not as complex as English. Which is so true!! In English you have the same words, written in the same way, but pronounced differently and it changes the meaning of the word. You have words that have Ps in them but it's silent. It is funny how when growing up you don't understand and you think your parents are crazy and don't know what they are talking about, but now it all makes sense!!!! :cool:

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It can sound weird, but we really can tell that spanish is a more perfect language than english.

When you say more perfect language, what do you mean exactly salvadorm?

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Originally Posted by Salvadorm

It can sound weird, but we really can tell that spanish is a more perfect language than english.

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I don´t think a perfect language exists, but I would be interested to hear how you came to that conclusion salvadorm.

in spanish you pronounce as write, spanish has many fewer exceptions, different pronouns and verb conjugations are easier to differentiate, causing fewer ambiguities, etc.

I don´t think that things that are easier to understand or to learn are closer to perfection, but I will respect your opinion either way.

I don't know about "perfection" but to me Spanish is a much easier language to learn. I truly admire non-native speakers who master English. It is difficult and complicated and, to me, British English is even worse than American English, in that they just seem to throw in superfluous letters...like in honour instead of honor, or programme instead of program, center as centre. I'm certainly glad I was raised with English because I doubt I could ever learn it otherwise.

However, in defense of my native tongue I will say that English has a word for EVERYTHING and often several words for the same thing. Spanish, to a non-native, seems to have less range.

I love both languages;)

Maybe I don't use the correct words, "easier language to learn", just like Vicente says, is more accurate.

You are totally right Vicente, English has a word for Everything, so in other languages, like spanish, we take words from english for concepts that we don't know to explain with a word, versatil (versatile), control (control), líder (leader), etc. and much more about sports and technical terms.

I have to agree with you there Vicente, it's quite admirable when a non native speaker can dominate the English language as it's more difficult to learn if we compare it to learning Spanish.

The grammar and pronunciation is a lot more complicated and not to mention there are a lot more rules.

It seems to be that if anything Spanish is dependent on English in order to express some things. Hmmmm.... I guess that would bring English closer to perfection then Spanish ;)

I am glad that I speak both Spanish and English and I want to make sure my daughter does too and if she can learn more even better!!

I think that all languages have taken some words from another ones, For example, look at this Wikipedia article about english words taken from italian.
List of English words of Italian origin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Touche salvador! Touche! I think we have all learned a valuable lesson here. No language is perfect but some may be easier to learn then others.

Good point Salvador! I definitely agree that some words or expressions in one language are derived from another. It's one easy way of remembering the meaning as well!