Male vs Female - Page 2 - English Spanish Translator Org: Translation Forum � Translators Forums

vicente · 05-29-2008, 12:57 PM

Qu� cat�strofe!!! How can we men possibly respond to all this!!

vicente · 05-29-2008, 10:42 PM

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Sandra and Mercedes go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Sandra and Mercedes.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Animal and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as looking the same as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no point in two people remembering the same thing!

mem286 · 05-30-2008, 06:12 AM

�Por qu� los hombres silban mejor que las mujeres?
-Porque tienen un cerebro de p�jaro

�Por qu� los hombres no llegan a la menopausia?
-Porque se quedan eternamente en la adolescencia.

�Qu� hubiera hecho la mujer sin el hombre?
-Hubiera domesticado a otro animal.

�A qu� ser mitol�gico se parecen los hombres?
-Al centauro, mitad hombre, mitad bestia.

�Por qu� a Tarz�n lo escogieron hombre y no mujer?
-Porque se necesitaba un cuerpo atl�tico con cerebro de mono.
�En que se parece un hombre a una computadora?
-En que piensa y hace todo, pero si no lo programas no hace nada.

�Por qu� hay mas mujeres que hombres?
-Porque la madre naturaleza es sabia.

Dios llama a Ad�n y le dice: tengo una buena noticia y una mala.
La buena primero, contesta Ad�n.
Dios responde: te voy a hacer 2 regalos, un cerebro y un pene.
Fant�stico, �y la mala?
No tienes suficiente sangre para hacer funcionar los 2 al mismo tiempo.

�Que hace el hombre despu�s de hacer el amor?
-Estorba.

�Por qu� Dios primero cre� al hombre y despu�s a la mujer?
-Porque los experimentos primero se hacen con animales y despu�s con humanos.

�En qu� se parecen los hombres a los caracoles?
-En que son babosos, tienen cuernos y se creen los due�os de la casa.

�Por qu� los chistes de mujeres siempre ocupan 2 l�neas?
-Para que los entiendan los hombres.

�En qu� se parecen los dinosaurios a los hombres inteligentes?
-En que los 2 se extinguieron.

�C�mo elegir�as a los 3 hombres m�s tontos del mundo?
-Al azar.

�Por qu� son mejores las pilas que los hombres?
-Porque al menos tienen un lado positivo...

�En qu� se parece el acostarse con un hombre a una telenovela?
-Justo cuando las cosas empiezan a ponerse interesantes, el episodio se acaba.

�Que tienen en com�n los aniversarios de boda, el punto G y un retrete?
-Los hombres no aciertan con ninguno.

Ezequiel · 05-30-2008, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Veronica

Generaci�n esp�ntanea del papel higi�nico, y la musicoterapia, buen�simos!! jajajajjajajajaja!!!!!!!

I would add one more module "Main differences between the bathroom and the library. How the toilet is not a chair."

hahahha coincido, es muy cierto xD

Y la de la biblioteca es GENIAL jajaja

Ezequiel · 05-30-2008, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vicente

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Sandra and Mercedes go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Sandra and Mercedes.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Animal and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as looking the same as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no point in two people remembering the same thing!

I Just read all of this and I have to say that, in my opinion, these facts are definitely TRUE. Even though there is no point in generalizing people or genres, these facts are a really great aproach. Great post Vicente! I laughed a lot

Veronica · 05-30-2008, 12:01 PM

Ok, I'm a woman and I agree with some of Vicente's lines, but really...paying 60 bucks for a 30 dollar bill, or paying 2 bucks for something that is worth 1 is just stupid!!! And I know *some* men who aren't..heheheh
And c'mon, I also know many "Uncle Scrooges" out there.

I have one more, in Spanish is funnier:

En que se parecen los hombres a los caballitos de mar?
En que se creen potros, pero en realidad son unos pescados.

vicente · 05-30-2008, 12:19 PM

Hi Veronica

"...paying 60 bucks for a 30 dollar bill, or paying 2 bucks for something that is worth 1 is just stupid!!! And I know *some* men who aren't..heheheh"

JAJAJAJAaaaa! There are exceptions to every rule!!

Me encantan los chistes en espa�ol pero la verdad, a veces no puedo traducirlos. Help me with your joke:

Men are like seahorses?
They think they are colts but in reality they are fish!

Is that close?

Thanks, vicente

Quote:

Originally Posted by Veronica

Ok, I'm a woman and I agree with some of Vicente's lines, but really...paying 60 bucks for a 30 dollar bill, or paying 2 bucks for something that is worth 1 is just stupid!!! And I know *some* men who aren't..heheheh
And c'mon, I also know many "Uncle Scrooges" out there.

I have one more, in Spanish is funnier:

En que se parecen los hombres a los caballitos de mar?
En que se creen potros, pero en realidad son unos pescados.

Veronica · 05-30-2008, 01:04 PM

Yah, I think it's ok.
I don't know if stallion would be better, I think the meaning is better translated than colt.

I love that joke hahahahhaha!!!

vicente · 05-30-2008, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Veronica

Yah, I think it's ok.
I don't know if stallion would be better, I think the meaning is better translated than colt.

I love that joke hahahahhaha!!!

That's the trouble with translating jokes...you really have to know the most minute subtleties of a language at times. My dictionary only gave me "colt" as a translation for potros but I suspected that your joke meant something more like "he thinks he's a wild mustang (or stallion) but he's really just a caught fish!!"

Thanks Veronica!

reminder · 07-01-2008, 05:45 AM

I really liked the part of the post about marriage... so true!!!

And regarding the fact that men pay more than necessary... that only applies to friends (they wish to show off?), not to wifes!!!

05-29-2008, 12:57 PM	#11
vicente Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 368 Rep Power: 604	Qu� cat�strofe!!! How can we men possibly respond to all this!! __________________ vicente

05-29-2008, 10:42 PM	#12
vicente Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 368 Rep Power: 604	MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE NICKNAMES If Laura, Sandra and Mercedes go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Sandra and Mercedes. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Animal and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as looking the same as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no point in two people remembering the same thing! __________________ vicente

05-30-2008, 06:12 AM	#13
mem286 Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Santa Fe, Argentina Posts: 757 Rep Power: 645	Mil y un porqu�s sobre los hombres �Por qu� los hombres silban mejor que las mujeres? -Porque tienen un cerebro de p�jaro �Por qu� los hombres no llegan a la menopausia? -Porque se quedan eternamente en la adolescencia. �Qu� hubiera hecho la mujer sin el hombre? -Hubiera domesticado a otro animal. �A qu� ser mitol�gico se parecen los hombres? -Al centauro, mitad hombre, mitad bestia. �Por qu� a Tarz�n lo escogieron hombre y no mujer? -Porque se necesitaba un cuerpo atl�tico con cerebro de mono. �En que se parece un hombre a una computadora? -En que piensa y hace todo, pero si no lo programas no hace nada. �Por qu� hay mas mujeres que hombres? -Porque la madre naturaleza es sabia. Dios llama a Ad�n y le dice: tengo una buena noticia y una mala. La buena primero, contesta Ad�n. Dios responde: te voy a hacer 2 regalos, un cerebro y un pene. Fant�stico, �y la mala? No tienes suficiente sangre para hacer funcionar los 2 al mismo tiempo. �Que hace el hombre despu�s de hacer el amor? -Estorba. �Por qu� Dios primero cre� al hombre y despu�s a la mujer? -Porque los experimentos primero se hacen con animales y despu�s con humanos. �En qu� se parecen los hombres a los caracoles? -En que son babosos, tienen cuernos y se creen los due�os de la casa. �Por qu� los chistes de mujeres siempre ocupan 2 l�neas? -Para que los entiendan los hombres. �En qu� se parecen los dinosaurios a los hombres inteligentes? -En que los 2 se extinguieron. �C�mo elegir�as a los 3 hombres m�s tontos del mundo? -Al azar. �Por qu� son mejores las pilas que los hombres? -Porque al menos tienen un lado positivo... �En qu� se parece el acostarse con un hombre a una telenovela? -Justo cuando las cosas empiezan a ponerse interesantes, el episodio se acaba. �Que tienen en com�n los aniversarios de boda, el punto G y un retrete? -Los hombres no aciertan con ninguno. __________________ Mer _______________________________________________ All that is now All that is gone All that's to come and everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

05-30-2008, 12:01 PM	#16
Veronica Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Argentina Posts: 542 Rep Power: 205	Ok, I'm a woman and I agree with some of Vicente's lines, but really...paying 60 bucks for a 30 dollar bill, or paying 2 bucks for something that is worth 1 is just stupid!!! And I know some men who aren't..heheheh And c'mon, I also know many "Uncle Scrooges" out there. I have one more, in Spanish is funnier: En que se parecen los hombres a los caballitos de mar? En que se creen potros, pero en realidad son unos pescados. __________________ mmm...chocolate.

05-30-2008, 01:04 PM	#18
Veronica Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Argentina Posts: 542 Rep Power: 205	Yah, I think it's ok. I don't know if stallion would be better, I think the meaning is better translated than colt. I love that joke hahahahhaha!!! __________________ mmm...chocolate.

07-01-2008, 05:45 AM	#20
reminder Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 384 Rep Power: 140	Vicente's post I really liked the part of the post about marriage... so true!!! And regarding the fact that men pay more than necessary... that only applies to friends (they wish to show off?), not to wifes!!!

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