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Thread: Male vs Female

 
  1. #11
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    Qué catástrofe!!! How can we men possibly respond to all this!!
    vicente

  2. #12
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    Cool

    MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

    NICKNAMES
    If Laura, Sandra and Mercedes go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Sandra and Mercedes.
    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Animal and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS
    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    FUTURE
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP
    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL
    Men wake up as looking the same as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING
    A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes.
    There's no point in two people remembering the same thing!
    vicente

  3. #13
    Senior Member mem286's Avatar
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    Default Mil y un porqués sobre los hombres


    ¿Por qué los hombres silban mejor que las mujeres?
    -Porque tienen un cerebro de pájaro

    ¿Por qué los hombres no llegan a la menopausia?
    -Porque se quedan eternamente en la adolescencia.

    ¿Qué hubiera hecho la mujer sin el hombre?
    -Hubiera domesticado a otro animal.

    ¿A qué ser mitológico se parecen los hombres?
    -Al centauro, mitad hombre, mitad bestia.

    ¿Por qué a Tarzán lo escogieron hombre y no mujer?
    -Porque se necesitaba un cuerpo atlético con cerebro de mono.
    ¿En que se parece un hombre a una computadora?
    -En que piensa y hace todo, pero si no lo programas no hace nada.

    ¿Por qué hay mas mujeres que hombres?
    -Porque la madre naturaleza es sabia.

    Dios llama a Adán y le dice: tengo una buena noticia y una mala.
    La buena primero, contesta Adán.
    Dios responde: te voy a hacer 2 regalos, un cerebro y un pene.
    Fantástico, ¿y la mala?
    No tienes suficiente sangre para hacer funcionar los 2 al mismo tiempo.

    ¿Que hace el hombre después de hacer el amor?
    -Estorba.

    ¿Por qué Dios primero creó al hombre y después a la mujer?
    -Porque los experimentos primero se hacen con animales y después con humanos.

    ¿En qué se parecen los hombres a los caracoles?
    -En que son babosos, tienen cuernos y se creen los dueños de la casa.

    ¿Por qué los chistes de mujeres siempre ocupan 2 líneas?
    -Para que los entiendan los hombres.

    ¿En qué se parecen los dinosaurios a los hombres inteligentes?
    -En que los 2 se extinguieron.

    ¿Cómo elegirías a los 3 hombres más tontos del mundo?
    -Al azar.

    ¿Por qué son mejores las pilas que los hombres?
    -Porque al menos tienen un lado positivo...

    ¿En qué se parece el acostarse con un hombre a una telenovela?
    -Justo cuando las cosas empiezan a ponerse interesantes, el episodio se acaba.

    ¿Que tienen en común los aniversarios de boda, el punto G y un retrete?
    -Los hombres no aciertan con ninguno.


  4. #14
    Senior Member Ezequiel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Veronica
    Generación espóntanea del papel higiénico, y la musicoterapia, buenísimos!! jajajajjajajajaja!!!!!!!

    I would add one more module "Main differences between the bathroom and the library. How the toilet is not a chair."

    hahahha coincido, es muy cierto xD

    Y la de la biblioteca es GENIAL jajaja

  5. #15
    Senior Member Ezequiel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vicente
    MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

    NICKNAMES
    If Laura, Sandra and Mercedes go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Sandra and Mercedes.
    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Animal and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS
    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    FUTURE
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP
    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL
    Men wake up as looking the same as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING
    A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes.
    There's no point in two people remembering the same thing!
    I Just read all of this and I have to say that, in my opinion, these facts are definitely TRUE. Even though there is no point in generalizing people or genres, these facts are a really great aproach. Great post Vicente! I laughed a lot

  6. #16
    Senior Member Veronica's Avatar
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    Ok, I'm a woman and I agree with some of Vicente's lines, but really...paying 60 bucks for a 30 dollar bill, or paying 2 bucks for something that is worth 1 is just stupid!!! And I know *some* men who aren't..heheheh
    And c'mon, I also know many "Uncle Scrooges" out there.

    I have one more, in Spanish is funnier:

    En que se parecen los hombres a los caballitos de mar?
    En que se creen potros, pero en realidad son unos pescados.

  7. #17
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    Hi Veronica

    "...paying 60 bucks for a 30 dollar bill, or paying 2 bucks for something that is worth 1 is just stupid!!! And I know *some* men who aren't..heheheh"

    JAJAJAJAaaaa! There are exceptions to every rule!!

    Me encantan los chistes en español pero la verdad, a veces no puedo traducirlos. Help me with your joke:

    Men are like seahorses?
    They think they are colts but in reality they are fish!

    Is that close?

    Thanks, vicente


    Quote Originally Posted by Veronica
    Ok, I'm a woman and I agree with some of Vicente's lines, but really...paying 60 bucks for a 30 dollar bill, or paying 2 bucks for something that is worth 1 is just stupid!!! And I know *some* men who aren't..heheheh
    And c'mon, I also know many "Uncle Scrooges" out there.

    I have one more, in Spanish is funnier:

    En que se parecen los hombres a los caballitos de mar?
    En que se creen potros, pero en realidad son unos pescados.
    vicente

  8. #18
    Senior Member Veronica's Avatar
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    Yah, I think it's ok.
    I don't know if stallion would be better, I think the meaning is better translated than colt.

    I love that joke hahahahhaha!!!

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Veronica
    Yah, I think it's ok.
    I don't know if stallion would be better, I think the meaning is better translated than colt.

    I love that joke hahahahhaha!!!
    That's the trouble with translating jokes...you really have to know the most minute subtleties of a language at times. My dictionary only gave me "colt" as a translation for potros but I suspected that your joke meant something more like "he thinks he's a wild mustang (or stallion) but he's really just a caught fish!!"

    Thanks Veronica!
    vicente

  10. #20
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    Default Vicente's post

    I really liked the part of the post about marriage... so true!!!

    And regarding the fact that men pay more than necessary... that only applies to friends (they wish to show off?), not to wifes!!!


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