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Thread: Jokes about doctors

 
  1. #1
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    Default Jokes about doctors

    - Doctor, can I have a second opinion?
    - Sure. Come back tomorrow.


    - Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me!
    - Next please!


    - Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
    - Sit on the couch and we'll talk about it.
    - But I'm not allowed up there!


    I used to be schizophrenic, but we are much better now.

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    Good ones. How about these:

    Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in used toaster oven aluminum foil, what's wrong with me?
    Doctor: You have far too much free time.

    Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!
    Doctor: Stay out of those places!

    Joel

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    Haha, good ones Detective. One more:

    - Doctor, I see red dots.
    - Have you seen an ophthalmologist?
    - No, doctor, just red dots.

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    Default Thank you!

    really funny!!
    post more!!

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    Chistonto intraducible:

    Un hombre amanece cubierto de pelo y desesperado va al médico:

    - Doctor, qué padezco?
    - Padeze un ozito.

  6. #6
    Ali
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    hahaha están buenísimas!!

    Me encantó el chiste del tipo que se sentía ignorado!!

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    bring it on. post more! that's really entertaining!

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    A pedido del público... (btw, how do you say that in English?)


    - Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.
    - Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?
    - Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor.


    - Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?
    - Yes, of course...
    - Great! I never could before!


    - Doctor, doctor, please help me. I just can't stop my hands shaking!
    - Do you drink a lot?
    - Not really. I spill most of it.


    - I have some bad news and some very bad news.
    - Well, doctor, give me the bad news first.
    - The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
    - 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
    - I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.


    - Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone for pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.
    - Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone for pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.


    A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

    - This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!.
    - Neither did I when I was a doctor.


    - The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
    - And did he?
    - Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.


    Red dots revisited:

    - Doctor, I keep seeing red spots before my eyes.
    - Didn't the new glasses help?
    - Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.


    - Are you an organ donor?
    - No, doctor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.


    What do you call two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram?
    Double blind study.


    Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

    The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

    A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, turns to the pathologist and says: "Go see if that was a duck."


    - Doctor, I think I need glasses.
    - You certainly do. This is a bank.


    A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth.

    - Aha, caries! I'll have to drill this one out.
    - Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!
    - Make up your mind, madam, so I adjust the chair.


    Enjoy!
    Last edited by Moni; 11-28-2007 at 07:13 PM.

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