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Thread: a poem----proofread or correct

 
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    Senior Member exxcéntrica's Avatar
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    Default a poem----proofread or correct

    Pase a media noche el mar
    The tide comes in at midnight

    y arda en amorosa llama
    and Leander glows like a loving flame

    Leandro por ver su dama;
    for seeing his lady love

    que yo más quiero pasar
    I would rather spend some time

    del golfo de mi lagar
    the receptacle of my wine press

    la blanca o roja corriente,
    where red and white wine flows

    y riase la gente.
    and let the people laugh

    Does anybody have a poetic mind here?

    The English sounds weird...difficult.
    Los hombres son superiores a las mujeres porque Alá les otorgó la primacia sobre ellas. Portanto, dió a los varones el doble de lo que dió a las mujeres. Los maridos que sufrieran desobediencia de sus mujeres pueden castigarlas: abandonarlas en sus lechos, e incluso golpearlas.
    No se legó al hombre mayor calamidad que la mujer."


    El Corán (libro sagrado de los musulmanes, recitado por Alá a Maomé en el siglo VI)


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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Quote Originally Posted by exxcéntrica
    Pase a media noche el mar
    The tide comes in at midnight

    y arda en amorosa llama
    and Leander glows like a loving flame

    Leandro por ver su dama;
    for seeing his lady love

    que yo más quiero pasar
    I would rather spend some time

    del golfo de mi lagar
    the receptacle of my wine press

    la blanca o roja corriente,
    where red and white wine flows

    y riase la gente.
    and let the people laugh

    Does anybody have a poetic mind here?

    The English sounds weird...difficult.
    The receptacle of my wine press is horrible
    In the peace of my wine cellar is not literal but it keeps the sense (as I see)

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    Senior Member exxcéntrica's Avatar
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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Any suggestions for improving this?
    Los hombres son superiores a las mujeres porque Alá les otorgó la primacia sobre ellas. Portanto, dió a los varones el doble de lo que dió a las mujeres. Los maridos que sufrieran desobediencia de sus mujeres pueden castigarlas: abandonarlas en sus lechos, e incluso golpearlas.
    No se legó al hombre mayor calamidad que la mujer."


    El Corán (libro sagrado de los musulmanes, recitado por Alá a Maomé en el siglo VI)


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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    que yo más quiero pasar
    del golfo de mi lagar
    la blanca o roja corriente


    I would rather cross (maybe "swim" or "soak in")
    the [B]gulf[B] of my wine press
    where red and white wine flow

    Doesn't "pasar de" also sometimes mean "renounce?"

    Is there context to the poem, or does it stand alone? I think I like "soak in" the best, but that's my interpretation without any context.
    Last edited by mariaklec; 01-09-2009 at 11:04 AM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    From Wikipedia: Hero and Leander is a Greek myth, relating the story of Hero (Greek: Ἡρώ), a priestess of Aphrodite who dwelt in a tower in Sestos, at the edge of the Hellespont, and Leander (Greek: Λέανδρος, Leandros), a young man from Abydos on the other side of the strait. Leander fell in love with Hero and would swim every night across the Hellespont to be with her. Hero would light a lamp at the top of her tower to guide his way (y arda en amorosa llama).
    Succumbing to Leander's soft words, and to his argument that Aphrodite, as goddess of love, would scorn the worship of a virgin, Hero allowed him to make love to her. This routine lasted through the warm summer. But one stormy winter night, the waves tossed Leander in the sea and the breezes blew out Hero's light, and Leander lost his way, and was drowned. Hero threw herself from the tower in grief and died as well.

    So maybe the poem refers to swimming the gulf even though it means risking doom. Or is it mocking the whole idea of love, saying that being a drunken fool is better?

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Hi Exx,

    I too went back to the original story and read the poem a bit differently. the gulf of his wine press may refer to his nightly swim first to plesures and then to his death.

    The midnight tide rolls in
    and the flame of love burns
    for Leander to see his lady love;

    would that I rather pass by
    the great gulf of my wine press
    which flow red and white
    and let the people laugh.


    Joel
    "El verdadero objectivo de la vida no es el destino final, si no disfrutar el camino."

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    yes, maybe the author prefers skipping the tragic swim and tears of sorrow, to laugh instead? Is the author saying that love's not worth it? But why a wine press? If you're skipping love, wouldn't you at least want a glass of wine?
    Last edited by mariaklec; 01-09-2009 at 01:30 PM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    We need at least one rhyming couplet


    With midnight comes the tide
    And upon the vision of his woman,
    Leander burns with the flame of love
    I would rather cross the harbor of my wine vat
    Where the red and white wine flow
    And let the people merry grow

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Quote Originally Posted by mariaklec
    yes, maybe the author prefers skipping the tragic swim and tears of sorrow, to laugh instead? Is the author saying that love's not worth it? But why a wine press? If you're skipping love, wouldn't you at least want a glass of wine?

    I'd tell the bartender to leave the bottle and go fetch another.

    Joel
    "El verdadero objectivo de la vida no es el destino final, si no disfrutar el camino."

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    Senior Member exxcéntrica's Avatar
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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Quote Originally Posted by mariaklec
    yes, maybe the author prefers skipping the tragic swim and tears of sorrow, to laugh instead? Is the author saying that love's not worth it? But why a wine press? If you're skipping love, wouldn't you at least want a glass of wine?

    jejej, nice posts, María
    Los hombres son superiores a las mujeres porque Alá les otorgó la primacia sobre ellas. Portanto, dió a los varones el doble de lo que dió a las mujeres. Los maridos que sufrieran desobediencia de sus mujeres pueden castigarlas: abandonarlas en sus lechos, e incluso golpearlas.
    No se legó al hombre mayor calamidad que la mujer."


    El Corán (libro sagrado de los musulmanes, recitado por Alá a Maomé en el siglo VI)


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