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Thread: a poem----proofread or correct

 
  1. #11
    Senior Member exxcéntrica's Avatar
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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Quote Originally Posted by gernt
    We need at least one rhyming couplet


    With midnight comes the tide
    And upon the vision of his woman,
    Leander burns with the flame of love
    I would rather cross the harbor of my wine vat
    Where the red and white wine flow
    And let the people merry grow
    Jesus, we have a poet amongst us! Incredible, gernt Very nice.

    Thanks to everybody
    Los hombres son superiores a las mujeres porque Alá les otorgó la primacia sobre ellas. Portanto, dió a los varones el doble de lo que dió a las mujeres. Los maridos que sufrieran desobediencia de sus mujeres pueden castigarlas: abandonarlas en sus lechos, e incluso golpearlas.
    No se legó al hombre mayor calamidad que la mujer."


    El Corán (libro sagrado de los musulmanes, recitado por Alá a Maomé en el siglo VI)


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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Gracias. Siempre me gusta recibir los aplausos – pero tengo una pregunta. Usualmente, en los EEUU, decimos “geez” (que en realidad es una forma de Jesús – pero nadie piensa en la conexión religiosa, no es exactamente cortes, pero no es verde). Oí “¡hijole!”. Creo que es la misma cosa en México, ¿no? ¿Como se dice “geez” en España? O cualquier forma de maldición muy suave. A nivel de "caramba" pero no tan trillada.
    Last edited by gernt; 01-11-2009 at 10:53 PM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Quote Originally Posted by gernt
    Gracias. Siempre me gusta recibir los aplausos – pero tengo una pregunta. Usualmente, en los EEUU, decimos “geez” (que en realidad es una forma de Jesús – pero nadie piensa en la conexión religiosa, no es exactamente cortes, pero no es verde). Oí “¡hijole!”. Creo que es la misma cosa en México, ¿no? ¿Como se dice “geez” en España? O cualquier forma de maldición muy suave. A nivel de "caramba" pero no tan trillada.
    Hola gert: Pues no se me ocurre otra más que lo de "Jesús!!"

    Caramba lo decimos también...y otra vulgar que es "joder!!"
    Los hombres son superiores a las mujeres porque Alá les otorgó la primacia sobre ellas. Portanto, dió a los varones el doble de lo que dió a las mujeres. Los maridos que sufrieran desobediencia de sus mujeres pueden castigarlas: abandonarlas en sus lechos, e incluso golpearlas.
    No se legó al hombre mayor calamidad que la mujer."


    El Corán (libro sagrado de los musulmanes, recitado por Alá a Maomé en el siglo VI)


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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    I stayed with a lovely woman in her sixties in Morelia, Mexico for a while and she would say "híjole" quite often. When I returned to California my students, many also from the state of Michoacán, quickly told me that it was inappropriate for me to say that. A teacher in Oaxaca taught us to say something like "Tchisss" which I haven't heard anywhere else, but is quite expressive even if you haven't heard it before, and I don't think there is any hidden meaning that could be offensive (but I've never heard anyone else say it and I think it expresses a slightly different emotion). Given the multiple versions of Spanish and the differing opinions regarding what is or isn't offensive, I think that as a non-native speaker it's challenging to get a feel for what's ok, and when.

    But the other thing is that the different options express slightly different emotions. There might not be one all-purpose safe expression.

    Honestly, having just gotten back into the green boxes, I'm afraid to even explore this topic---don't want to offend anyone.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    The poem is a tongue-in-cheek celebration of drinking. So the spirit of the translation has to preserve its ironic spirit. Making a poem rhyme in two languages is difficult, but if the new rhyme takes a little liberty with the text while preserving the banter, it's all for the good.

    .............................

    Well may inflamed Leandro at midnight

    Cross the sea his lady love to see!

    Yet I do better to stay and imbibe

    From the bay of my wine cellar

    The pale or crimson tide;--

    And let mockers chide and bed her!

    .............................
    Last edited by ed_freire; 02-19-2009 at 04:48 PM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    mariaklec, I was listening to a Spanish language station near Chattanooga, and the DJ was saying "hijoles" (I guess there's more than one) every few minutes. So it can't be too bad.

    And ed, when you look up translations of that particular poem, you find some that take such liberties, they don't seem to be the same poem. But there is an obvious diversity of ways to translate it. Now you want to try something hard, I would love to hear a translation of Rodriguez's "Locuras" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbsjQ...driguez&um=1&i such that it could be sung. There is apparently not one on the internet. It is just about my favorite song. Unfortunately, I have no musical ability.
    Last edited by gernt; 02-18-2009 at 05:10 PM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Gernt,

    Translation of Silvio Rodriguez's "Locuras":

    Here is a start:

    There are deliria that let hope foster,
    And dementias that evoke pain,
    Madnesses never plumbed by the sober,
    Deliria of another strain.

    There are deliria that are poetry,
    Madnesses from a strange land....

    Eduardo.
    Last edited by ed_freire; 02-19-2009 at 03:01 PM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Well, yes. I noted that "There is madness" and "And madnesses" have the same rhythm of "Hay locuras", and I worked out a few lines, but when I get to a part that cannot be translated literally, soy el cuerdo de

    Y hay locuras de allá,
    donde el cuerdo no alcanza

    porque pienso literalmente. Los matemáticos no somos buenos poetas.
    Last edited by gernt; 02-18-2009 at 10:19 PM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    Gernt,

    I heard, "Donde el CUERVO no alcanza." But now that I read your version, "Donde el CUERDO no alcanza," I stand corrected.

    I rush to edit my entry.

    By the way, Silvio's lyrics with their ceaseless repetition of the word "Locuras" sound a bit monotonous to me. I chose to liven up the translation by employing synonyms.

    A very different type of melody:--Here is a song that was very popular in Spain in the late 1950's--radios played it all the time:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqNt8...eature=related
    Last edited by ed_freire; 02-19-2009 at 03:02 PM.

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    Default Re: a poem----proofread or correct

    “A mi nada me espanta”, ni siquiera palabras como “barrenero”. Es mi palabra nueva para hoy. Esa y deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

    ¿No estamos muy lejos del asunto original? "You never know where you’re going ‘till you get there". Now that’s an old song, too.

    Lo que es la verdad, la repetición me ayuda mucho entenderla Locuras la primera vez. Es cierto me encantó un poco para esa razón.
    Last edited by gernt; 02-19-2009 at 10:41 PM.

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