I wonder if you can give some ideas about translating this sentences into Spanish LatAm.

All of them are play on words.

1.The Head of State only had this to state: "Without our statehood, we are in a sad state!".
2.A sucker punch was enough for Alex to get the strawberry sucker from Mike. "What a
sucker!", said Alex mockingly. "That sucks…" cried Mike. "Suck it up!", he then told
himself, as he sucked the last drops of juice from his Sippy cup.
As he left the bar, Eric's eye started to hurt. It had swollen shut and was black as the night.
Not exactly what he'd expected when he ordered that punch.