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Thread: Oddities of English

 
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    Default Oddities of English

    Somebody sent this to me in an email. It points out some of the oddities of the language. It might be difficult for a person just learning English to understand. It could also be a learning tool if you have a dictionary at hand.

    vicente

    For all of you who wonder why people from other countries have a bit of trouble with the English language. This is a clever piece put together by an English teacher.

    Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.


    1) The bandage was *wound* around the *wound*.
    2) The farm was used to *produce produce*.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to *refuse* more *refuse*.
    4) We must *polish* the *Polish* furniture.
    5) He could *lead*if he would get the *lead* out.
    6) The soldier decided to *desert* his dessert in the *desert*.
    7) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it was time to *present* the *present*.
    8) A *bass* was painted on the head of the *bass* drum.
    9) When shot at, the *dove dove *into the bushes.
    10) I did not *object* to the *object*.
    11) The insurance was *invalid* for the *invalid*.
    12) There was a *row* among the oarsmen about how to *row*.
    13) They were too *close* to the door to *close* it.
    14) The buck *does* funny things when the *does* are present.
    15) A seamstress and a *sewer* fell down into a *sewer* line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his *sow* to *sow*.
    17) The *wind* was too strong to *wind* the sail.
    18) Upon seeing the *tear* in the painting I shed a *tear*.
    19) I had to *subject* the *subject* to a series of tests.
    20) How can I *intimate* this to my most *intimate* friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in a pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

    vicente

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    Quote Originally Posted by vicente View Post
    5) He could *lead*if he would get the *lead* out.[/I]
    We can make it sound even odder!

    He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out, something hard to do as he was suffering from *lead* poisoning. Lol

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    Quote Originally Posted by gentle View Post
    We can make it sound even odder!

    He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out, something hard to do as he was suffering from *lead* poisoning. Lol
    How about: He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out, something hard to do as he was suffering from *lead* poisoning, which would eventually *lead* to his death.
    vicente

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    OMG!!! That's even better! Lol

    But what if we add...

    He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out, something hard to do as he was suffering from *lead* poisoning, which would eventually *lead* to his death. Later, his coffin would march up-front so as to *lead* the path to the line of relatives and friends attending his funeral.

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    Love it!! LOL

    Or...

    He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out, something hard to do as he was suffering from *lead* poisoning, which would eventually *lead* to his death. Later, his coffin would march up-front so as to *lead* the path to the line of relatives and friends attending his funeral, who would have brought his faithful dog Spot, but they couldn't find the dog's *lead*.
    vicente

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    Senior Member iyuanobi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    Interesting post! Thank you Vicente.

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    I've got another one:

    The *fair* maiden went to the *fair*, and it was such a *fair* day that, though the prices weren't *fair*, she bought many things.


    ʅฺ(・ω・。)ʃฺ??

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    Very good contribution. Thx Vicente

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    Thanks everybody!!


    Is there a similar situation with Spanish words?
    vicente

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    Default Re: Oddities of English

    Quote Originally Posted by vicente View Post
    Love it!! LOL

    Or...

    He could *lead* if he would get the *lead* out, something hard to do as he was suffering from *lead* poisoning, which would eventually *lead* to his death. Later, his coffin would march up-front so as to *lead* the path to the line of relatives and friends attending his funeral, who would have brought his faithful dog Spot, but they couldn't find the dog's *lead*.
    I burst into laughter with your last contribution, but wouldn't dare to add one more single line to the paragraph. Lol

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